Kyle couldn’t forget the beautiful ballerina he had dated many years ago. He really missed her, especially her lovely chewing tobacco habit.

Beautiful things you can say to someone you love: I’ve fallen for you and I can’t get up.

Why was the tech guy so upset? His smartphone refused to make out with him.

Everyone was having a great time at the dance club until DJ Lawrence Welk started playing his favorites.

What’s worse than a bad driver? A feudal lord who walks around asking serfs whether they like his stockings.

Nobody was quite sure why Bob showed up to the job interview at the law firm wearing a magician’s outfit. Things became clearer when he pulled a rabbit out of a hat and started kissing it passionately.

Great moments in history: The extraordinary day when Thomas Jefferson was writing the Declaration of Independence and got a mild cramp in his left leg from sitting too long.

Most popular girl’s name in recent years: Monsieur de La Rochefocauld.

Why did the family not go camping? Someone got the dad angry and he didn’t have very good coping skills so he cancelled the trip.

Why did the old woman kick the old guy out of her house? He didn’t live there.

Excellent secret agent name: Rockefeller… Oysters Rockefeller.

There are three things that are vital to living a happy life: Meaningful activities, positive relationships, and, of course, plenty of beets.

Be careful about asking a goose to join your rock band. They always insist on singing, playing guitar or both. Not to mention they want to write all the songs when everyone knows they’re best suited to play the trombone but won’t admit it. Then there’s all the honking.

Like many a carnivorous dinosaur, the Tyrannosaurus would take over the grill at backyard barbecues even though he didn’t know what he was doing.

At the city council meeting, the dragon stepped up to the podium and reassured the townspeople that he meant them no harm by saying, “Me here only to eat, I mean, meet people,” which pretty much made nobody comfortable.